2011: The Year in Review Pt. I

Let me begin by saying that, as with my past four collegiate years, the city of Madison has once again thrust its obstinate hamlet directly up my rectum and prevented me from seeing a depressingly large number of 2011's films.  Unlike, well virtually any self-respecting metropolitan area, downtown Madison decided to bulldoze the only easily-accessible theater on campus in favor of a Waco-inspired mini-mall/apartment complex that eliminates the need for residents to ever go outside.  So while I appreciate the fact that I don't have to cross University to get from Quizno's to hot yoga on Tuesdays, I'm still crossing my fingers for a more reasonably-priced alternative to the $35 cab ride to the AMC Star in Fitchburg.  In fact, I'm pretty sure Fitchburg is in Moose Jaw County anyway.  Go Badgers.

Rather than participate in the futility that would be adding my two shits to the heaping pile of "Best Of" lists, think of this as more of a Surprises & Letdowns kind of thing.  I'm convinced this is much more fun than guessing which overly-sentimental release AMPAS will award Best Picture to this year.  Besides, this better lends itself to pessimism anyway.

The Letdowns:

Honorable Mention: Man on Wire (James Marsh)

Yes, I'm aware this came out three years ago, but it deserves a mention for just how devastating the viewing experience was.  One part documentary, one part art house, one part heist film, and all parts snooze fest, Man on Wire is about as pleasant to watch as My Winnipeg.

This pleasant.

What's noteworthy is that director James Marsh takes the story of a man's high-wire walk between the WTC towers--a feat as impressive as it is insane--and actually makes it boring.  What should be a nerve-wracking account of one man's fuckingly-bat-shit-crazy idea has its tension completely drained through awkward character introductions and recurring flashback segments that feel more like a string of reenactments from an episode of America's Most Wanted.

None of this is to say Philippe Petit's wire-walk (with the absence of a safety net) isn't impressive or deserving of documentation.  Au contraire.  At the very least, it deserves better than this.

3. Immortals (Tarsem)

I've read that Tarsem's 2000 thriller The Cell is little more than a series of horrifying visuals, so it makes sense that the visuals he's crafted in Immortals are the standout highlight amongst what is unquestionably a horrifying, Heraclean pile of shit.

At best, Immortals could have been an inventive imagining of Theseus and his quest to end King Hyperion's mass slaughter across all of Greece.  At its worst, it could have been a shameless 300 copycat, yet another addition to the utterly sapped genre of sword-and-sandal epics.  But Immortals is neither of those.  It attempts to tell a story, but immediately stumbles out of the gate with a hilariously overwrought John Hurt voiceover, croaking out to the audience as a warning of the impending shittiness to come.

From its threadbare plot to the obvious dialogue (much of which sounds like it was recycled straight from leftover Attack of the Clones scraps), the film raises far too many questions and then proceeds to answer none of them.  Why do we care about these characters?  Why do the Gods break their own rules?  Why didn't we sneak into Puss in Boots?

2. Paul (Greg Mottola)

Like the mildly hilarious Talladega Nights and the mildly horrible Strange Wilderness, Paul joins the ranks of films whose funniest scenes were exploited at every conceivable marketing opportunity.  I am, of course, referring to the moment where a Seth Rogen-voiced alien resurrects a dead bird only to gobble it up.  I can understand the need to give away half the film in a trailer when it's warranted, but Universal could've gotten away with simply listing the cast:

This March...

Simon Pegg

Nick Frost

Kristen Wiig

Jason Bateman

Bill Hader

Jane Lynch

...with Sigourney Weaver

...and Seth Rogen

Paul

Boom.  You don't even need coherent sentences in that.  In theory, the hilarity this cast promised should have been enough.  Unfortunately Paul plain fails to live up to its potential, comedic or otherwise.  All the more depressing is Mottola's involvement, having directed Superbad and the criminally unappreciated Adventureland.  Seriously, if you can manage to make Kristen Stewart attractive in spite of the disenchanting concavity that is her rear end, that's as good as an Oscar in my book.

While the nods to hard sci-fi are likely appreciated by fans of Asimov and "Terror Bird" alike, Paul feels more like the unrated version of E.T.  It's almost tragically appropriate then that Pegg and Frost's script, a tribute to the obsessions of geekdom and fan fiction, feels less like an original property and more like a sloppy valentine.

1. Green Lantern (Martin Campbell)

Now I've already written the equivalent of a young adult series making fun of this, but Green Lantern takes this year's crown for biggest disappointment, if not for what it is then certainly for what it foretells.

As with Mr. Mottola, Martin Campbell's resume precedes him.  Having directed two of the best Bond films in the past twenty years as well as unfastening the awesome carnal power that is Catherine Zeta-Jones, Campbell is no stranger to quality boobs action.  So with 70+ years of story material and a superhero whose power hinges on the strength of his imagination, Green Lantern should've been the ultimate creative sandbox.  Instead, its dull script merely goes through the expected action beats and is a gigantic waste of both Mark Strong and Peter Skarsgaard's talents.  Perhaps its most flagrant sin is somehow making Ryan Reynolds neither funny nor charming.

The real bitch of Green Lantern is just how F'ed DC superhero movies are likely to be.  Next summer, The Avengers and The Dark Knight Rises aren't competing for anything other than how many times they can get fanboys kicked out of theaters for public indecency.  And that's because Disney and Warner Bros. already know who's going to have the last laugh.

Marvel Studios has contracts for future films with Robert Downey, Jr. and Chrises Evans and Hemsworth, with a crap-ton of sequel potential guaranteed in each character. Actually now that I'm thinking about it, I'm pretty sure Marvel Studios has some sort of strict no-resolution policy in their endings.  Better cliffhanger that shit.

To top it off, there's no way we're not going to get like fifteen more Avengers sequels.  Add to that the very real possibility of more Hulk movies as well as Hawkeye, Black Widow, and Nick Fury spin-offs and the future looks pretty good for Marvel Studios.  Plus, if Edgar Wright's proposed Ant-Man ever gets out of production Hell, it will absolutely be the most hilarious comic book movie this side of The Spirit.

On the other side of the universe, Warner Bros. has whatever else they can squeeze out of Hal Jordan and Zack Snyder's Man of Steel in 2012, a reboot that promises more CGI than you can shake a jimmer stick at.  Sure, The Dark Knight Rises is (likely) going to make more money next year, but that just hastens the need to follow up with a worthy Batman reboot.  Good luuuuuuck.

Regardless of what 2012 has in store, you now have absolutely no reason to visit a comics shop in your lifetime.

Home Alone 4: Lost in Apprehension

The following excerpts have been selected from courtroom transcripts of The People v. 20th Century Fox and the American Broadcasting Company, 946 U.S. 323 (2003):

* * *

For - Plaintiffs: Opening Statement

Katherine R. Montgomery, 28

Ph.D. 

MONTGOMERY: May it please Your Honor, the privilege of opening the first trial in history for a Hollywood studio’s crimes against humanity imposes a grave responsibility.   The hellish misdeeds which we seek to condemn and punish have been so calculated, so ill-advised, so evil, that American civilization cannot possibly tolerate another of its kind.   The production and subsequent release of Home Alone 4: Taking Back the House, represents a case of shameless brand recognition so egregious it can no longer be ignored. 

ABC’s parent company, the Walt Disney Corporation, has already faced similar accusations of shameless brand name pillaging in the cases of Lilo and Stich: Son of a Stitch, Pocahontas 3: Smallpox, and Cinderella: The Legend of Rumpled Foreskin. 

Like fire, brand recognition is a dangerous thing to play with.  Neither should be handled by anyone with severe intoxication or with less than a fifth-grade intelligence.  Having seen the film, it is abundantly clear that the creators and distributors are, in fact, drunken morons.

* * *

MONTGOMERY: Plaintiffs are here to call Daniel Stern to the stand.

(Mr. Stern was called to testify and was affirmed by the courtroom deputy)

MONTGOMERY: What do you do, Mr. Stern?

STERN: I’m an actor.

HONORABLE JUDGE SAXABOOM: Mr. Stern, need I remind you that you swore an oath to tell the truth before this court.

(Witness sighs)

STERN: Excuse me.  I used to be an actor.

MONTGOMERY: Mr. Stern, I’m looking at your iMDb profile and I see that you haven’t acted in a major motion picture since 2009’s Whip It.

STERN: Yes, that’s correct.

MONTGOMERY: Exactly how desperate were you?

STERN: I’m afraid I don’t understand the question.

BATES: Objection, your honor.  Relevance?

HONORABLE JUDGE SAXABOOM: Sustained.  Get to the point, counsel.

MONTGOMERY: Mr. Stern, what is your relationship with the Home Alone franchise?

STERN: I portrayed the character of Marv Merchants.

MONTGOMERY: In two films, correct?  So, one might say you know a thing or two about the nuances of the character.

STERN: Well, he’s not much of a—

MONTGOMERY: Did 20th Century Fox approach you at any point for reprising this role?

STERN: Yes.  They sent my agent a copy of the script last year.

MONTGOMERY: And what was your response?

STERN: I remember feeling severe pangs of diarrhea.

MONTGOMERY: Mr. Stern, your response to the offer...

STERN: I turned it down.  The script was an insult.  Total garbage.

MONTGOMERY: So to clarify, even you, a man so pressed for cash that you willingly starred in a Drew Barrymore-directed movie about roller derbies, wouldn't touch the material?

STERN: I didn't think Whip It was all that--

MONTGOMERY: Thank you, Mr. Stern.

* * *

MONTGOMERY: Mr. Daniel, your directorial history includes K-9, Beethoven’s 2^nd, and a single episode of Suddenly Susan.

DANIEL: I'm afraid I don't understand the question.

MONTGOMERY: What the Hell is wrong with you?

* * *

BATES: Your Honor, the defense now calls the CEO of 20th Century Fox, Stephen Blairson, to the stand.


(Mr. Blairson was called to testify and affirmed by the courtroom deputy)

BATES: Now, it is our understanding that you intend to release this film to video later this year.

BLAIRSON: Yes, that is correct.

BATES: And what is the rationale behind this?

BLAIRSON: It is our belief that Home Alone 4 would make a worthy addition to the Holiday family film tradition.

BATES:  The back of this proposed DVD design says this movie is, and I quote, an “uplifting, hilarious comedy the whole family is sure to love.”

BLAIRSON:  Yes that’s correct.

BATES: And you honestly believe that?

BLAIRSON: Yes, of course.

BATES: Your Honor, the defense moves to plead the innocence of the accused by reason of insanity.

* * *

MONTGOMERY: I’d like to call the attention of this courtroom to exhibit 12.b  

(evidence presented below)

MONTGOMERY: Mr. Weinberg, is that in fact supposed to be you as Kevin McAllister?

WEINBERG: Yes, that's correct.

MONTGOMERY: Permission to punch the witness's face?

* * *

MONTGOMERY: Mr. Coniglio, what was your exact capacity in the production of this film?

CONIGLIO: I was co-editor with Mike Stevenson.

MONTGOMERY: Would you please indicate on this chart which version of Windows Movie Maker you used?

* * *

BATES: Mr. Castelucci, at any point did you acknowledge John Williams' classic theme in your compositions?

CASTELUCCI:  Not really.  We wanted to try something new, to create a new sound to go with the film’s aesthetic.

BATES:  And how would you best define this new sound?

CASTELUCCI:  A combination of Kenny G backing tracks and music from The Blues Brothers.

BATES: I take it you’re a fan of that movie?

CASTELUCCI: The video game. 

* * *

For - Plaintiffs: Closing Statement

MONTGOMERY: Given the overwhelming evidence that’s been provided before this courtroom, it is obvious that the accused brazenly ignored precedent throughout the production process.  Like an anthrax outbreak, the threat of a Home Alone 4 video release would spread and engulf hundreds of thousands of innocent families, too naïve to realize what horrors they’re unknowingly subjecting their children to. 

This film doesn’t even represent a half-hearted attempt at paying tribute to its source material.  These characters have been reduced to hollow shells, shadows of their former greatness that now exist in name only.  This version of Kevin Macallister wouldn’t have surived the first five minutes of Home Alone.  Kevin McAllister doesn't have pensive, remorseful conversations with his teddy bear.  He'd tell that self-awareness to suck it and then toss a cherry bomb into the nearest toilet bowl.  The final product is so enervating, so uncomfortable that Old Man Marley never would have bothered to save this Kevin McAllister; he’d have held him down while Marv and Harry took turns taking cracks at his forehead with a shovel.

The capitalist wheel must continue turning, and with that inevitability comes the realization that there will undoubtedly be more shameless releases like this.  We understand that, however a precedent must be set.  The line in the sand has been drawn.  As long as the threat of future Land Before Time sequels looms, as long as the routine financing of angry black women's diaries continues, we will be there to enforce swift justice on behalf of families across America.

HONORABLE JUDGE SAXABOOM: Dispense with the soapbox, counsel.

* * *

THE COURT: This court has convened this afternoon for the purpose of imposing sentences upon the defendants who have been on trial before this court and who have been adjudged guilty.

On Counts 1, 2 and 3, the Court has adjudged you guilty of war crimes, crimes against humanity, and membership in an organization declared criminal.  On Count 4, the Court also finds you guilt of being complete trout sniffers.   For your said crimes on which you have been and now stand convicted, this court sentences you to death by pigeon-crotching.

HONORABLE JUDGE SAXABOOM: This court is adjourned.  Merry Christmas, you filthy animals.

"When Gotham is ashes, you'll have my permission to squeal like a nine-year old girl."

It’s that magical time of year again, so in keeping with the Holiday spirit, here’s some shit about Batman.

First, the new trailer's out.  Check it.  The breakdown follows:

• WB, Legendary, and Syncopy Logos.  The usual stuff.
• Billy Elliott sings the national anthem to a packed stadium of Gotham Rogues fans.  A sign in the background reads “Demolish the Monuments,” presumably the opposing team, but presumably not worth the effort it took to notice that.

• Bane, dressed in a heavy winter coat walks up a flight of stairs.
  
  
  
  
• A table of some sort.  A figure emerges from the foreground, carrying something in his right hand.  Judging from the reflection, it's Bruce Wayne.
• Alfred speaks.  "You are as precious to me as you were to your own mother and father."
  
  
  

  
  
• Alfred's noticeably upset about something.  "I swore to them that I would protect you, and I haven't."  It's safe to say Alfred is worried about some seriously bad azz shiz going down.  Also, we need to spell more thingz like 90s wrestling sloganz.  Obviouzly.
• The Gotham cityscape.  Hard to tell if this is from the Pittsburgh shoot, though it's a safe bet it's not Madison.
  
  
  
  
• FROM CHRISTOPHER NOLAN
• Looks like we're outside the newly reconstructed Wayne Manor.  And it certainly isn't the same from Batman Begins.
  
  
  
  
• Mayor Garcia hands the floor to Commissioner Gordon.  It's a similar setup to the memorial at the end of The Dark Knight, but what is this?  Harvey's funeral?
• A voice speaks offscreen.  "The Mayor's going to dump him in the spring."  Seems they're talking about the Commish.
  
• "But he's a hero."  That's Matthew Modine's "Nixon" character.  Not much is known about him.  "A war hero." Brett Cullen corrects him.  "But this is peace time."  Here's a thought: Everyone always talks about what happens to Batman after TDK, but what about Gordon?  If Bats took the blame for killing Harvey and his victims, did Gordon get the credit for taking down Joker?  What does everyone believe?
  
  
  
  
• Looks like Bruce Wayne is on a balcony of some kind.
• Bruce enters a ballroom, flower petals fall from the ceiling.  Selina Kyle speaks.  "You think this is going to last."
  
  
  
  
• "There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne."  Mister Wayne?  How do these two know each other?  What's their relationship going to be?  How do you have sex on the Batpod?
• Explosions.  SWAT teams ducking.  General GTFO-ing ensues.
• Bane in the same coat, surrounded by henchmen this time.
  
  
  
  
• "Even your friends better batter down the hinges."  After that much-maligned Batpod picture from this summer, the fanboy consensus is becoming much more positive about Selina's look.
  
  
  
  
• Gordon, cops behind him, duck as an explosion goes off.
• Furniture thrown down a staircase.  Looks like some sort of riot.  Who's the suit cowering at the bottom?  Is that the same guy getting dragged out from under that table?
• More Selina.  "Because when it hits, you're all going to wonder how you thought you could live so large and leave so little for the rest of us."  Stick your tongue down his earhole why dontcha?  In all seriousness, what is going on?  Rants about the wealthy elite?  Rioting?  This is starting to sound like the Michael Moore version of Batman.
• Prisoners and armed henchmen emerge from a flaming hole in the wall.  Looks like Bane has staged some sort of prison riot.
• SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAAAAAAY.
  
  
  
  
• Bane's on his way to the stadium.
• A robed Bruce opens a gate, his hair graying at the sides.  "What does that mean?"
  
  
  
  
• "RISE."  If we count the teaser and the IMAX prologue, that's the third time the word's been used.  You think "RIIIIIISE" will become the new "Why so serious?" next summer?  I could see it:
  
  Hey babe, could you get up and fix me a sandwich?
  You're the one who's already in the kitchen.  Can't you see I--
  RIIIIIIIIIISE.
  
  
• Bane's got a detonator.  And boom goes the $20 million location shoot.
  
• Hines Ward of the Pitt-err Gotham Rogues miraculously outruns every opposing player for six and the touchdown, a clear sign that Nolan is taking a much less realistic approach this time around.
  
  
  
  
  This shot looks absolutely insane.  I'm not sure how finished the CGI is, and I'd be curious to see it again with music and audio.  But wow.  This is clearly the "semi flip" moment from the second TDK trailer.
• Bane finally speaks.  "When Gotham is ashes..."  Bruce lays beaten on the ground with a pretty nasty gash in his forehead.
  
  
  
  
• Close up of Bane.  "...you'll have my permission to die."  Bad.  To the ass.  Background looks like that close up from the teaser.  Same scene here?
  
  
  
  
  
  
• NEXT SUMMER
• Marion Cotillard's Miranda Tate looking damn good in red.  She removes a mask.  One might assume Bruce is cavorting with two women in this film, much to his own amusement/boner.
  
  
  
  
• Looks like someone's jumping off a building.  Bruce?
  
  

  
  
• Selina Hepburn walking down some hallway.  Judging from the "gates" signs and the luggage, it's likely an airport or train station.
  
  
  
  
• THE EPIC CONCLUSION
• Bats whips out some kind of Light Cannon from his Batpod.  Sweet, now he can beam 'em to death.
  
  
  
  
• A tumbler tank getting absolutely demolished by some large military vehicle.  This is is the original, unpainted tumbler model from BB by the way.  More on this later.
  
  
  
  
• A shot of the same well from the teaser only now people are lowering into it.
  
  
  
  
• Bane.  Jacked.
  
  
  
  
• JGL's beat cop "John Blake" looking scared here.
  
  
  
  
• TO THE DARK KNIGHT LEGEND
• Bats outside of what appears to be a government building's steps.  Snow and punches fly around him in equal measure.  Bane's coming to meet him. Is this the battle for Gotham?
  
  
  
  
• A SWAT team storms a hallway.
• More tankage.  More explosions.  This tumbler's been outfitted with a cannon.  Looks like the same building Batman and Bane are in front of.
  
  
  
  
• They exchange blows.  YES.
  
  
  
  
• A singular figure drops down.
• A closer shot of those guys dropping down now.  If you look closely, it's very similar to the same place Bruce was shown in earlier.  Check out those crazy stairs.
  
  
  
  
• Great reveal of the new Bat vehicle chasing down a tumbler tank through the Gotham streets.
  
  
  
  
• Move up and into the Gotham sky, that similar shot from the teaser trailer.
• THE DARK KNIGHT RISES.
  
  
  
  
• THE LEGEND
• ENDS
• EXPERIENCE IT IN IMAX SUMMER 2012
• SUCK ON THAT, JOSS WHEDON.

For some reason, that last part isn’t showing up on the online version.  Honestly, the trailer’s a bit awkward in its execution.  There’s a lot of emotional weight in that first half, with a slower, intimate pace and some political stuff.  Afterward, it doesn’t let up.

Once again, lots of speculation (and very, very light) spoiler stuff:

That reported eight year gap between TDK and this makes a lot of sense.  There needs to be some time for whatever has resulted from Batman’s sacrifice to settle in, and judging by what the trailer’s given us, life looks pretty good in Gotham, on the surface at least.  What Selina says about a “storm” coming makes me think that Gotham has managed, albeit temporarily, to stave off the shit-storm for the better part of a decade.  For some reason, Selina knows this “peace time” isn’t going to last.  If this is true, I like the idea, because it shows that TDK’s ending was a band-aid.  It made sense in the story, but it didn’t seem right to end on that note, with the whole city hating him.  Saving Harvey’s image was only temporary, because that’s what the city needed.  Now Batman has to become the hero Gotham needs.  Wasn’t that the point?

Bruce Wayne will leave Gotham for some reason I think.  That weird prison shot from the teaser has been revealed a little more here.  Perhaps this is his retreat following a battle that sees Batman absolutely get his shit rocked.  I feel like that’s a reasonably safe assumption to make here, and it's part of what makes Bane's character so unique in the comics.  He’s broken Batman.  Literally. 

Based on what we've been shown in set photos, posters, two trailers, and a six-minute prologue, I still have absolutely no idea what to expect from this character.  But is that such a bad thing?  The prologue describes Bane as a “mercenary” and a “mastermind.”  Considering how jacked Bane looks, this is definitely more of a faithful interpretation of the original character in the comics.   Of course, Nolan & Co. have also fleshed out their own unique take.  Judging from his voice, this Bane is of some ambiguous European ethnicity, rather than Latin.  Beyond that though, it’s been very hard to pinpoint an exact accent in his inflection.  The best way I can describe it is an ambiguous mixture of German, Russian, and “nasally Sean Connery.”   You hear much more of it in the IMAX prologue, and it isn’t what you’re expecting at all.  

The complaints about Bane’s inaudible dialogue also raise an interesting point in light of how clear he sounds in this.  I kinda believe this is all intentional on Nolan's part.  Maybe I’m giving him too much credit, but it’s not like the studio can somehow hear him any better than everyone else.  Besides, it makes a lot of sense from a marketing standpoint, too.  With The Joker, audiences knew what they were getting; they just didn’t know how good it would be.  This time around it’s completely different.  Bane hasn’t been one of the more well-known or well-portrayed members of Batman’s rogues gallery.   The story can take liberties with the character and then surround him in mystique because there’s so much goddamn hype for this movie already. 

I also found some interesting connections.  Check out those uniforms that Bane's henchmen are wearing:

Now look at what these guys are wearing:

It's an awfully close similarity.  Those were taken from Batman Begins.  That's Ra's al Ghul and the League of Shadows.  Coincidence?  Maybe.  But I'm betting otherwise.

As far as Cotillard's role goes, I don't think think "Miranda Tate" is actually Miranda Tate.  There were a number of rumors early on that Cotillard would be playing Talia al Ghul, the daughter of…

No.  Not Calendar Man.

All that’s been officially released is that Cotillard plays “a Wayne enterprises board member," but that doesn’t tell us anything.  How do those Tumblers, presumably still under the ownership of Wayne enterprises, get out and start causing mayhem?  They're clearly the same model from BB:

How would anyone get ahold of R&D's designs in the first place?  If Miranda Tate is the only new element in place at Wayne Enterprises, I think I smell a rat.  Even Neeson is only credited as "Henri Ducard" on iMDb, and we know that isn't true.  We're being fed lies, people, and if you don't start getting wise, Big Brother's going to be kicking down your door in the middle of the night and anally probing your children faster than you can say "X-Files."

One more thing: The prologue says Bane's a "mercenary," but if we buy into the whole uniform match being more than a coincidence (I do), and if we're assuming Miranda Tate isn't who she says she is (I am), then clearly something's afoot here: a two-pronged assault perhaps?  Attacking Batman and Bruce Wayne?  Wayne was more of a mask for Batman to hide behind in TDK, so it would make sense to top that by attacking both sides of the character.  Ra's al Ghul provided a similar tactic in BB.  My current hunch is that the small part Neeson's signed on for involves a flashback sequence of some sort, but he almost certainly has an important influence on the story.  Josh Pence was cast as a "Young Ra's al Ghul" according to iMDb, and I refuse to believe that Nolan would go through all that trouble just to awkwardly remind everyone about that one time Batman fought Oskar Schindler.

If the entire city's in as much trouble as the trailers suggest, this third film seems like it's drawing more from the first than TDK (As a side note, this seems funny in hindsight considering how “problematic” the death of Heath Ledger made the outlook of a sequel).  I think Nolan’s got a much grander vision in this last film.  Batman’s not just dealing with a local terrorist in clown makeup.  This looks like a straight up invasion, and if you consider that the Batman, Catwoman, Bane, the League of Shadows, and the GCPD are all potentially throwing down, Gotham’s in for some serious shit shiz.

I honestly have no idea what’s going to happen by the end of this.  Whatever “The Legend Ends” means, it sounds bad ass, and it will undoubtedly be in service of the story, as these kinds of decisions always have been, regardless of whether or not Batman dies.  And honestly, I think that condition might make the first run-through of this film even more exciting than TDK.  We really don't know what's going to happen. On the other hand, that might just mean I've overanalyzed the fuck out of two minutes.

It’s important to remember that this is all speculation, and that it’s ultimately impossible to appease every single fanboy on the planet, despite the complaints about Bane's voice or staying faithful to the source material.  Right there is probably reason enough why you shouldn’t take any of them very seriously.  And that includes this one.